I view painting as an encounter. It is a means of communicating through my interaction with my materials. In this work, I am not referencing images or objects, but am painting to explore my own ideas. When creating art, it is imperative that I have an intense connection with my materials. This connection enables me to engage in a process that is authentic to me and to the material. I am connected to a painting when I cannot tell if I am acting or reacting, if I am guiding the paint or if the paint is guiding me. In this way, through interacting with materials and embracing uncertainty, I have found a process that allows me to explore and experiment freely.
Since I am painting to explore my own mind, I am not referencing any physical subject. What is seen on the canvas reflects my choices, my routines and my subconscious thoughts. From painting to painting, patterns emerge, tracing an underlying context that I am exploring in this series of paintings and in life.
There is a certain bravery that comes from creating art in complete partnership with the art that is being created. Each previous art work dictates what will come next in the line. Each new piece acts as a conceptual filter of sorts, taking only the most pertinent information from the last creation into its existence. My works help me convey to my viewer and to myself my individual understanding of what it is to be a woman in the 21st century, of or relating to "the absence of" something (whether it be emotion, parenting instinct, anything...). Each work is an exploration of exactly how "woman" others consider me, in that I am devoid of maternal instincts that many women my age possess. My works are the physical manifestations of struggles and frustration experienced in developing an ever-changing feminist identity as an individual, choosing not to identify with a specific group and therefore find a sense of belonging amongst others who share my beliefs.
i like this collaboration (between Elise Gardella and April Gertler) because its so obviously not forced or trying to be something. it came out of an exercise, something fun, just to be creating, between friends. the pictures tell a story but in a way that isnt contrived.
i also think the fact that they're polaroids make them seem so much more tactile and less sterile or something...
Alright, in an attempt to keep my life in order I am going to start blogging on here again. We both need new muses always, so here is one I came across:
I can only imagine that Tokihiro Sato's photographs are beyond stunning in person. I want to live in his mind or somethinnnnn
Asian photographer who made photographs of landscapes (snow, creek bed etc.) that had tiny points of white light embedded in the scene? He would take a flash light or a mirror and bounce back light into the camera (long exposure) tracing his path through the photograph.
"The attempt to define is like a game in which you cannot possibly reach the goal from the starting point but can only close in on it by picking up each time from where the last play landed." -Harold Rosenberg
For me painting is continuous. I don't start with a straight shot to a meaning. I finish one painting and start the next without much analysis. If I stop and try to figure it all out before I reach the goal, the game falls apart. I start assigning meaning and rules and I never finish what I started.
I have this idea that I'm working towards something. A long term something though.
When I was in metals I couldn't ever finish a project because there was a physical, set, drawn plan with steps of how to get there, with no deviation. And if i did deviate then the product would fall apart. Literally. Even in painting if I had a set goal, I either didn't finish the painting or I'd get really frustrated and didn't like the end result.
The only time I liked the end result was if i suddenly smeared the whole painting or altered it completely, and then the painting would be finished. When it wasn't what I had originally planned.
So why not eliminate the frustration, which is the plan, or idea, or goal, and just enjoy the process. And in the idea of keeping painting continuous, why not make finishing a painting and moving on to the next part of the process? A continuous journey towards something fuzzy rather than running in circles around some idea I'll never let myself reach anyway.
In life, i am one to avoid plans and refuse to make choices that have an effect on the future. I can only think so far ahead, and in a short term way. I do not enjoy contemplating choices that may affect the future in a permanent way. i do not want to choose a path; i want a path to choose me. i am apathetic to a point. if i am interested i may not take action. it is more likely that i will react than act.
this holds true for my art. i am more comfortable reacting than acting. i would rather take something and change it or add to it than start from scratch. i don't like to force or control. i like to guide. in applying the paint in the way i am, i am giving up some control. by letting the paint flow and drip i never know how it will end up. it does not have a specific destination. it is not headed towards anything. it just is.
this does not mean that i have no say in the art. it is not creating itself. i am making conscious choices in terms of surface, and fluidity of the paint. i am also constantly making subconscious choices. these are the choices that matter most to me. they are the choices that guide the paint. they are the choices that make me different from other painters; that make each painting different from the next.
these subconscious choices are the choices that do not scare me. they don't cause apathy. they are not in the forefront of my mind. they are not decisions. they just are. they are what causes me to create. they are like breathing. they are reactions to what is in front of me. this is how i interact with the world. through reactions. nothing is mine. i am not original. i am taking from what is around me and i am playing. i am experimenting. i am adding and changing.
what i do is not conclusive. there is no end in my art. there are no answers. there is no final destination. my art is not created to prove anything. it is not created to lead the viewer to a path or to a conclusion. it is created to accompany the viewer. it is present. it is a conversation. it draws on past experiences and it continues.
there are no specifications in my art. there are no fixed ideas. there are no guiding, forceful rules. there are assumptions, but everything could change in an instant and break all assumptions that have been formed. this is life. this is the unpredictable. this is letting the medium take control.
i have this idea that in my brain is perfect, and in reality can't be created.
i want to paint someone else's body. and i want to do it with mirror paint.
i am really into the idea of interaction between the artist and the material and between the art and the viewer. i want the viewer to become the viewed. and i want it to be somewhat awkward.
so if there was a person in a room, painted on with reflective paint that the viewer could walk in and see themselves in the other person's face or chest, this would be the perfect version of interaction for me as of right now.
and i can't do it because colorful mirror paint doesn't exist. and regular mirror paint is mercury based and i would poison the person.
so that's that... i have some alternative ideas but none of them can measure up to this one. and i'm not sure if it's because this one is impossible, or if it's because it's perfect.