Friday, January 22, 2010

1/22/10 art journal entry

In life, i am one to avoid plans and refuse to make choices that have an effect on the future. I can only think so far ahead, and in a short term way. I do not enjoy contemplating choices that may affect the future in a permanent way. i do not want to choose a path; i want a path to choose me. i am apathetic to a point. if i am interested i may not take action. it is more likely that i will react than act.

this holds true for my art. i am more comfortable reacting than acting. i would rather take something and change it or add to it than start from scratch. i don't like to force or control. i like to guide. in applying the paint in the way i am, i am giving up some control. by letting the paint flow and drip i never know how it will end up. it does not have a specific destination. it is not headed towards anything. it just is.

this does not mean that i have no say in the art. it is not creating itself. i am making conscious choices in terms of surface, and fluidity of the paint. i am also constantly making subconscious choices. these are the choices that matter most to me. they are the choices that guide the paint. they are the choices that make me different from other painters; that make each painting different from the next.

these subconscious choices are the choices that do not scare me. they don't cause apathy. they are not in the forefront of my mind. they are not decisions. they just are. they are what causes me to create. they are like breathing. they are reactions to what is in front of me. this is how i interact with the world. through reactions. nothing is mine. i am not original. i am taking from what is around me and i am playing. i am experimenting. i am adding and changing.

what i do is not conclusive. there is no end in my art. there are no answers. there is no final destination. my art is not created to prove anything. it is not created to lead the viewer to a path or to a conclusion. it is created to accompany the viewer. it is present. it is a conversation. it draws on past experiences and it continues.

there are no specifications in my art. there are no fixed ideas. there are no guiding, forceful rules. there are assumptions, but everything could change in an instant and break all assumptions that have been formed. this is life. this is the unpredictable. this is letting the medium take control.


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